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Profile picture of user: a_p_wyndham

From a rhythmic standpoint, you really want to keep word repetition functional. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, to be sure, but in your case, I think we could look at some more evocative or specific words for the sensations you're describing. For example, in the first stanza, you repeat "eye / eyes" back to back. Perhaps something like "gaze" would ease that pressure ("felt their gaze upon her").

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