She slipped clumsily in a café Looked all around her from the corner of her eye Felt all eyes upon her Bit her lip and flushed crimson most disconcertedly. He was sacked, fired at work Got down in the dumps Was down and out Left feeling blue so gloomily. He gave her a blossomed rose Blood rushed to her cheeks She blushed a deep red so joyously. She watched her rival from afar Summed up her envy in reflex and turned green so jealously. It looked hale and hearty Ooh, the cherubic chubby cheeks Baby looked in the pink as it babbled away innocently. She heard of a loved one's demise. That was a shock indeed She went white as a sheet as she then wept so woefully. She saw a teeny-weeny spider on her skirts Talk of arachnids and phobias, yikes! She turned a pale yellow in fright as she screamed so fearfully. He found his sweetheart in another man's arms Doubted his own manly charms and his face went purple with rage almost instantly. He faced his lifelong enemy Hate brimmed up in him as his bitterness found a vent He shot him a black glare quite very scornfully well, well, it might seem that the worst of all the human hues are the melancholic depressing blues But I think being green when for jealousy and the black of hate top the list in deserving poohs. Mind you all these human pigmentation of emotion are a matter of reflex for you can't choose which of the human hues you'd like to wear, on party day and which you'd rather not use.
4w
💪💪Really strong conceit and you stick to it all the way through. Each stanza is its own little story, but the repetition keeps it cohesive.😁 The moral turn at the end elevates it from wordplay to wisdom. Tiny note: “quite very scornfully” felt a bit clunky — maybe _“He shot him a black glare, scornfully”_?🙏🙏, and a few tweaks here and there. Otherwise this is tight. Chef's kiss 😘 💋
I agree with @a_p_wyndham honestly. Even though I, myself,am not an expert but with some few adding or subtraction can make it stronger. It's really a cool concept.💙 But of course if you like it that way no body's complaining. ☺️ From your poem you're the one who should enjoy it the most!
This is a really wonderful concept! Largely well-done, too. Although I did stumble in a couple of places when reading it. I only bring that up because, even though it's great, I think it could be stronger. If you're interested, I'd be happy to share my thoughts. But if the poem is living on its own now and you're happy with what it's doing, there's no need to change anything.