Love is always conditional,and that’s the sad truth. No matter how much I loved,I was always set to lose I wanted the type of mum who would braid my hair. Instead, I got put down, treated like I wasn’t there? I’m the reason for their problems and why my family is sad. Theres no point even trying, I’m terrible, I’m bad. Panic attacks were common, I thought that’s how people cried. I tell them I’m okay, I say that I am fine. With no breath in my lungs, I cough up these words. Even when I was breathless, I just wanted to be heard. I’ve always been a burden so what else can I say. I can’t share my feelings, ill always be this way. I’ve been beaten, put down and constantly used. Physically, mentally, emotionally, some say its abuse. “You survived though, it made u stronger”. I’m sick of people saying that I can’t take it any longer. I want my childhood back even though it doesn’t exist. I crave for something to return, something that’s a myth. “Growing up so fast has made you so mature”. Growing up so fast just made me insecure. They didn’t know how to love so how can I love myself. The only happiness in that home were the pictures on the shelf. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m all grown up now. No pictures to bring me hope, no words to make me drown. I’ve got half a happy ending but I’m so incomplete. We walk past each other like strangers in the street. I never want a daughter for that’s my biggest fear. Id hates to be like you, I don’t want you near. I never want a reminder of what I had to survive. Crawling through the hallway, all I hear Is fights. You never protected me from the men you once chose. You never protected yourself that’s why we aren’t close. I want a happy home with apologies and hugs.