They say there are so proud of me and what ive over come So proud that I didn't give in to all the nasty things they've done They wish they could be like me and cope they way I cope They say they look to me and I give them hope And that brings me so much pain,its too much for me too hold Because I feel nothing ,all I feel is cold I feel as though ive been stripped of the right to grieve I have to push down my feelings and continue to decieve I cant take away the hope from them, forget how i feel When they say these things I feel like my thoughts aren't real If this is how they see me, why cant I see it myself I cant even begin to process the hand in which ive been dealt I feel so lonely with myself and im afraid to let it show If this is how they see me then that is all I will show But im breaking im scared to reach for peace This is too much too bear too many feelings to keep Ill hold everything in until it catches in my sleep But sleep is the one thing I dont get Ive drowned out by thoughts l,feelings and regrets I feel selfish to share my thoughts as they never know how to hold How to hold all the pain and words that ive been told My therapist says somethings wrong with me and wants to diagnose I don't want to hear that i immediately oppose I dont want an excuse for the way that I feel and act I dont want to think there's a reason I have no track I want him to admit im awful tell me its all my fault I want the wounds to open and rub in the salt I want to feel something as ive felt nothing my whole life I want his words to cut across my skin as if his words were knives I need to feel something, dont make me take those meds I dont want another reason to feel as though im dead im a hollow being that only holds a Soul