CASHIER: Welcome. Order when ready. CUSTOMER: Small fries. Coke. I’m budgeting. Tight month. CASHIER: Of course you are. That’s the “Young Adult Start.” Fries in shrinking parts and wages off the chart. CUSTOMER: Just the regular size. CASHIER: There is no regular. Only “Rise.” You can Upsize Your Hustle™ today — priced just slightly out of pay. CUSTOMER: I’ll pass. CASHIER: Bold strategy. Most prefer quiet anxiety. Pairs well with scrolling feeds of peers launching companies. CUSTOMER: I just want fries. CASHIER: You want certainty. We don’t serve that currently. Closest thing is “Frozen Dream.” Pre-melted by nineteen. CUSTOMER: Is there anything not competitive? CASHIER: Water. But we bottle it different. Would you like “Deferred Happiness”? Earned after mild success. Side effects include moving goalposts and public stress. CUSTOMER: What’s the “Burnout Bundle”? CASHIER: Best seller. Comes with praise from management and sleep slightly irregular. CUSTOMER: This feels rigged. CASHIER: It’s streamlined. You enter hopeful. You exit optimized. You wanted fries? We gave you grind. You wanted Coke? We carbonated time. CUSTOMER: Is there an exit? CASHIER: Yes. It loops back to the front. Would you like the rewards app? It tracks how often you run. CUSTOMER: Run from what? CASHIER: From being average. That’ll be $12.47. Exact change — or existential debit?