One of the first poems I ever wrote was called "I Killed A Man When I Was Ten," about, what I imagine, is a similar theme: the little parts of me that wouldn't exist anymore, for one reason or another. I'm sorry for whatever you're going through. You have all my hopes and wishes that it ends up being transformative in the best way, even if that doesn't feel possible right now. Keep writing from the heart. I think it's working for you. 😊