I almost asked you to call. To just be with me in silence. But you didn't know, how could you? I don't send signals. I just swallow the signs. You can't see the smoke when it's something I hide. I had to take your shirt off tonight. I couldn't stand the smell of you. Not because I didn't want it. But because I can't have something to look forward to. I don't. This is a night where softness feels like weight and hope just feels like a dare I am far too tired to take. So your shirt will stay folded in a drawer, because the happiness your scent gave me, left me wanting to live more and I wasn’t sure I could handle that.