I hate what I cant have. Nobody might pull me closer while I pull away from God and righteousness and how he's awaiting but I'm biting my gut and I'm awilling away from him. but the devil was holding me close never bit me even when I had bites marks over me, scratches from Love that fades in the end, and bitter held my hand, and kindness couldn't protect me, when angriness could, build walls that always falls when I open up my perfectly pitied pain that we all feel when it rains. I feel your presence behind me and I feel scared but ur not better than me you're useless you mean NOTHING and I miss you and it shouldn't have to hurt like a crack in the floor. Even when I read this to you, you'll think otherwise maybe it's about you, but it's not- you played with me but I haven't even known you for that long, I'm grieving what's already been grieved, I'm sowing up what I have already reaped, what has a bandage already. I feel stupid for telling my family if I can see u again, knowing that's the reason I'm bitter and hurt and I cant blame u but it's your fault. It will always be your fault. I just wanted a hug bye and maybe I wouldn't wanted you actually to die and say bye for the last time. But I hate hearing about someone I can't see Elkhart to South bend to Mishawaka and Michigan, you're a whore but you're my type of whore, my person, you get me!! I still don't get you.. The slurred speech is still playing in my head like a broken record. Wasn't I your favorite, why rank me lower? I Love you! I loved you. I don't love you anymore, I hate you. I hate what i cant have.