I reached for the blade when all I craved was a hug a shoulder to cry on all I ever wanted was to be seen to be understood but all I got was judgmental eyes that stripped me bare it doesn’t matter if I’m drowning in a sea of faces the loneliness never leaves it wraps around me like a fog losing myself in the darkness like I’m lost in a foreign city cold and misty doesn’t matter how many times I walked the same path it always feels unfamiliar the same ache in my chest the same terror the same emptiness I still feel their eyes burning into me whispers swirl around me like smoke under the skin am I breathing too loud? can they hear my heartbeats echo through the hollow walls of my chest? can they hear the voices in my head telling me to disappear run vanish and never look back can they feel the hopelessness curled inside my bones? can they see the dried crimson on my arms on my neck? the regret that lingers in the corners of my eyes shush just shush stop talking stop whispering stop yelling .please.stop. I begged gravel scraping my knees fingers tangled in my hair pulling pushing eyes shut tight to a world that never saw me what happened to me? when did I slip through the cracks? where was I when I needed me? what went so wrong?