I stood by your side for seasons on end, A shadow in summer, a ghost not a friend You called it friendship, I called it home, But tell me, when was I ever truly known? You smiled through my sobs like it meant nothing at all, Laughed when I crumbled, pretending I didn't fall. You named my kindness something cheap, untrue, Laughed at my breaking like it never bruised you. But where were you when I needed a friend? Was I just your filler when the good ones couldn't attend? You were my only, my default, my root, While you built a circle and I stayed mute. I searched your face for a hint of care, But saw competition quietly brewing there You wore your envy like a faded grey, Chill in your words, colder each day. Do you remember the boy with the candy in hand? He followed me, I didn't even understand But you watched with envy I never saw, While I offered you answers in flawed awe. Wondering how to be less liked, less kind, less seen. I was a child, not your jealousy machine. You once said you couldn't stand me at all, That I was too smart, too praised in the hall. And yet I stayed. I stayed through it all. Now I wonder: was I just your fallback call? And next week... should I wish you well? Say "Happy Birthday," and swallow this hell? Pretend we're okay, like nothing is cracked, While the years of silence still stab my back? While you laugh with a heart that never looked back, And I bleed in a place only silence can track? I don't owe you wishes dipped in grace, Not while I'm still stitching the wounds in place. So if I say nothing, know this is why: You smiled when I broke, like my pain was a lie.