No matter what he said I wanted to die As I lay in my bed I simply can't lie I wrote the letter one night It sat in my room for months It moved to stay out of sight In a drawer to even my pillowcase once With my phone password And goodbyes This whole thing felt backwards Though it was no surprise I forgot about the note Until I slipped my hand under my pillow And felt a crumple, the letter I wrote Did it change my mind, no Once when my house was empty Thoughts were so loud So loud they would temp me There was no one around I crept to the kitchen Where medication was stored Looked up each definition Went through the whole cupboard Once I had my list With each complicated name I just couldn't resist I researched how much it took to kill me with shame I just stared at it for hours on end I literally just picked my poison Wrote out a text and pressed send I already had my plan This guy I reached out to Was sick of that phrase "I want to kill myself," it was true I wasn't looking for praise All he said was "bella don't" When I needed to hear "bella I know" "I get it, just give it a year" A little birdy told me He didn't care at all That wasn't too hard to see He never did call I never did commit Though I still have my list I still think about it, I will admit Just dont look at my wrist You will never know If life becomes too much I've learned not to show I won't use you as a crutch I promise I'm better I give credit to him And a torn up letter Just where it has been If you have a letter to write You have reasons to stay Just stay one more night That's all I want to say