You were never there... you were never there to stand, clap and shout "that's my child!" you were never there to say I love you I'm proud of you, give me a hug, and encourage me You thought sending money from time to time and buying groceries was being a 'father' you were never there emotionally, mentally and physically & my heart aches for your love and care to feel what it feels like to have a father who cares, kiss him goodbye as I'm off to school & he's off to work... To see my mother happy, that she has the best man in the entire world and her downfall wasn't because of you I hate my younger self, and my stupid blinded eyes, for not realising you've never been the best father, for how I chose to love you more instead of my mother, I chose you over someone who was always there...i--hate--me I hate how you threw back things in our faces, how you acted so selfish, so illiterate, so ignorant and told unforgiving lies.... i--hate--me, I hate me because it's because of you I'm so ignorant and angry all the time...you did that to me you--broke--me, "mama I love you," daddy that's all I ever wanted to hear you say Why couldn't you be different? why couldn't we have that great father daughter relationship I once thought we had? I hated myself for years because of you, I'm not writing this to blame you but to let you know...that's how I felt, that's how you made me feel, to be aware that your daughter who wanted you to be there, has to accept the fact I can't change you, that your wife & my mother couldn't change you I appreciate the financial contributions you made, but it wasn't enough, it wasn't the only responsibility a father would've supposed to carry I acknowledged your feelings but you never considered mine