I woke up one night. After a fight. After a argument. After being ridiculed. After being less than my family perfect image. I puked and puked. The rejection from them and everyone else getting to me. I would curl up in a ball. Praying I wasn't this way. Praying I could change my whole damn image. But God doesn't always hear a sinner like me. Less than a miracle. But supposed to be a miracle. How do I live up to that?! When everyone including my own DNA puts me on a Cross only I bear out of my agony and sometimes pleasure is the only bliss I get from being heartbroken. Like being stabbed multiple times but I keep coming back. Like a cock Roach. Except for my heart is the curse. Every breakup. Every shitty person who did me dirty. A meal away from this won't hurt me again or Matt know better. Better is the manipulative way of saying you're in shackles and we will never let you go. Sick to my stomach at how I have to wave and smile?! Like a good little prince. Yet I turn into a savage beast a monstrosity every night since the first now. Knowing I'm not perfect enough. So I write. I binge. I try to love someone more than I can see. And it works. She loves me for me. Hopefully. Yet I binge hopelessly. Praying to love past dying. And surrendering to her and only her to no return. My beauty that doesn't see me as a beast. But a poetic fiend that only wants her it seems. So I binge hopelessly. Yet prefer to die in her arms later. My angel. My fallen angel. That I pray childishly never leaves. Her Halo crooked but made to love me.