1 If life were a great show, I think it would be better not to be the protagonist. Perhaps I would be less out of place as an extra or a spectator. But I'm hungry for applause and smiles. I'm thirsty for glances. Even the worst, the judgmental ones. If life were a show, I would kill and bleed just to be on stage. If life were a show, I would die without the spotlight. If life were a show, I would crave fame. Maybe being an actor is limiting. The character is one. The soul is one. Life is one. If life is a show, then I am the voiceover. Destined to watch. For when you speak, act, and perform. For as much as I accompany the show, from above. For as damned good as she is, and for as damned hard as she tries, no one will ever see her. The voiceover has no applause or smiles. She's not on stage, nor under the spotlight, she's acclaimed only by her own desire to be seen. Than by her illusion of being one, a protagonist. If life were a show, music would be the background music that accompanies every scene. But sometimes, silence is the only melody I can hear. The only one that allows me to be in control. Deafening, a scream stuck in my throat. I'm so used to noise that silence is the only thing I can bear. There's always too much volume, too much thunder, too much laughter. Too much, it's all too much. Music is the only thing that can fill the void, but also make it deeper, like the abyss opening up beneath my feet. If my life were a show, it would be a Greek tragedy.