I wake up most mornings and ask myself: what's up today? I don't get the answer right away because, well, I just woke up... duh. But when I get up and going, I hear the message popping in my head like popcorn in the microwave. And I start to think of a lot of wants, wants I could never have, only fantasize about... I want to jump off a building and be reborn in a different country. I want to not be blamed for things that don't go well in my family. I want to be left alone from all the stress. I want a little quiet, a place to escape all the chaos. I want to keep all the "you can'ts" away. I want to yell at my teachers and tell them to keep their hopes off me. I want, I want, but I never get. I never muster the courage to work it out. I desire all this, yet life goes on without it, but I CRAVE it. The color I run to, what keeps me from collapsing. I want so much that it feels like a _NEED_. Can't function well without it. It's the root of my inner life, but this is when it gets messy: the fact that I know the difference between the need and the want. But of all my wants: I want this more, I need to want to be me, weird, funny and unpredictable, cause that's what keeps me feel alive instead of needing to be alive.